Rules of Interwebs Dating, Part II

I have this horrible end-of-date compulsion. (No, not that kind of compulsion, you sicko.) My compulsion is such that even when I plan to never see the person again, I continue to chirp out phrases like "yeah, we should DEFINITELY do this again!" and "okay, yeah, so give me a call and we'll hang out again soon!"

WHY DO I DO THIS?

I am not inherently the lying type. But I do like me some good manners. And I hate (HATE) hurting people's feelings. Which is goes a long way in explaining why I blurt out reassuring-but-completely-false maxims as the date is wrapping up. Of course, then I'm unjustifiably annoyed when Hyrastio rings me to see if I'd like to go to Canada's Wonderland with him next weekend (ugh... Canada's Wonderland. I would rather get myself soaking wet and shove my finger in a light socket).

Therefore, no more!

GUIDELINE NUMBER TWO
No lying to unsuitable matches:

But wait! This is not to say we need to be brutally honest. Or lengthy. If I've been on one or two dates with someone, is it really necessary to get into how he very much reminds me of my ex who, as it turns out, is gayer than Christmas? Should we be launching into hour-long soliloquies about how we could never kiss someone whose teeth jut out of their mouth like yellow weapons? Indeed, not.

So then, Internet, you may wonder what I say to these not-The-Dudes. Admittedly, it's been strikes and gutters on this issue. Sometimes I do the blurting before I can remember my allegiance to Guideline Number Two. But lately, I've been trying out the following Guideline Number Two Exit Phrase (GNTEP):

It was so nice to meet you. Have a great night/morning/afternoon. Take care!

And then... I WALK AWAY. Do you see how this phrase is both polite and final? Do you see how there's no glaring lie or encouragement to keep in touch?

I've noticed that this phrase works a lot better if I pay for my own drink/brunch/coffee - I try to insist if I'm pretty sure I'm going to use the GNTEP. Also, no fair using the GNTEP after having made out with the guy in the back of a cab for the entire length of Bloor Street. Mixed messages = unjustifiable annoyance on your part when he thinks he'll be invited into your apartment at the end of the cab ride/eating Ethiopian food with you next Saturday night/moving into your apartment in the Fall.

I know what you're thinking, Internet. You're thinking: That ProngTwo is a dating genius! The Guideline Number Two Exit Phrase could easily replace the Sermon on the Mount as the 21st Century's Creed for Dating. The Sermon on the Mount was about dating etiquette, right? Something about how fish, while a healthy choice, isn't always the best date food, and bread is all right as long as you don't eat the whole loaf? At any rate, HOORAY for the GNTEP!

Let's not get carried away, people. First of all, that's not what the Sermon on the Mount was about at all. Time to brush up on our Bible trivia, isn't it? Second, starting my own organized religion is Prong Five or maybe even Prong Six. I have a lot of prongs to get to before we get mired up in THAT business. Though I wouldn't refuse those of you who wanted to start tithing right away.