Rules of Interwebs Dating, Part I

You may think, Internet, that the world of online dating is the new Wild West. Lawlessness! Mavericks! PISTOLS AT DAWN. Or is that a British thing? Maybe I'm thinking of high-noon, which does seem more fair in terms of sun in people's eyes. ANYWAY. Screw this whole Wild West idiocy. There may not be an edition of Emily Post 2.0 (oh god, that's bad. I know, I know) but perhaps there should be? As I sally forth into the dark, nefarious world of the eDate, I'll see if I can dole out a few observations and maybe even some guidelines.

GUIDELINE NUMBER ONE
Would you say that to a person you'd just met in person? No? Then maybe don't say it on the internet:

One of the great things about online dating is that you've got free reign to contact anyone on the site. Presumably, you sign up for online dating so that you can meet new people; that's the point of being there. That reduces the Risk of Ego-Shattering Rejection by about a thousand. Before you even say 'hello', you know that this person isn't going to hit you with the I'm Married/I'm Gay/I'm actually from the planet Zoltan and don't date outside of my Zoltaniarwan Faith shtick.

However, it appears that without Risk of Ego-Shattering Rejection, a number of enthusiastic online daters feel free to blurt out anything that pops into their minds. Here are a few topics that may not be successful conversation starters:

1. The size of your... *ahem*... "endowment."
   
2. Starting the sentence with "my therapist says that..."
   
3. Discussions involving preferences in the bedroom.
   
4. Starting the sentence with "hey bitch."
   
5. A lengthy description of how intuitive your pet lemur is.
6. Compliments involving sexual organs.
7. Starting the sentence with "so... how many kids do you want to have? I like Hurratiaetta for a girl and Hurratio Jr. for a boy!"
8. ANYTHING about your ex.
   
9. etc.

Of course, these could be perfectly fine topics of conversation with someone you're already dating. At some point, one may be very keen to discuss the intuitive powers of a love interest's pet lemur for hours on end, for example. But do we want to come off as a Crazy Lemur Wingnut right off the bat? Probably not.