Hporatio Two

Hporatio Two sat down for brunch at The Beaver Café, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans, took a deep breath and talked.

For 75 minutes.

It was the kind of monologue that's peppered with nervous laughter, self-depreciating commentary and a lot of computer-related technical jargon that is virtually indecipherable to the average non-android. At one point he gesticulated so wildly on the subject of audio editing software (or possibly a hacking software that has given him complete access to all FBI files? It was hard to tell) that he nearly overturned his water glass. But was Hporatio Two stymied into pausing or even taking a breath? Indeed, he was not. His skin - glowing with the ghostly non-tan of the Tecchie UnDead - glistened with sweat as he tossed out non-sequiturs and painfully humourless puns with abandon.

I took SMALL bites of my steamed egg scramble and rye toast. I drank three cups of coffee. The waitress refilled my water glass four times. My plate was sparkling clean long before he took a single bite of his breakfast burrito.

Nevertheless, I've been thinking about giving Hporatio Two another shot. Nerves suck. And statistics reveal* that 98% of shy guys calm the f*** down and interact like normal human beings on the second date. Possibly, a guy who names his cats Lucy and Ethel can't be all bad...

*98% of statistics posted on this blog are fabricated.