Friday, September 10, 2010

UGH.

I don't think I can go on any more of these internet dates. They're starting make me feel like there's no point in living, given:
1) the state of humanity in general; and
2) the way servers continue to bring more beer instead of cheques, even when you give them a pleading stare that should make their hearts bleed and then sprint to the till to cash you out.

Here's a little quote from last night's Hurratio:

'Basically the last two years of my life have been taken up with suing the University because they won't give me enough lab space. I mean, I have to keep human skeletons in my HOUSE because of those idiots. So, that's been pretty time consuming. Well... that, and the divorce.'

HUMAN SKELETONS, INTERNET. IN HIS HOUSE.

Also: it took him over 3 hours to drink 1.5 beers. For the first time ever, I ditched a date early. I just couldn't wait the additional hour for him to finish that last half pint. No excuses, no feigned illness or 'emergency call'. I just had to go. And then I did. Yeah. I know. BRUTAL.

So Internet. If you have any ideas as to how I can meet The Dude without being subjected to further idiocy of this sort, I would love to hear them. I know you people are reading. Come ON. Help me out.

5 comments:

  1. Noooo! You can't give up now. Entirely because of you I went on a date this week with a man whose profile photograph was him posing with a machine gun. He was hot, actually.

    Maybe you can take a very short break, during which you will entertain us with other snippets from your life, and then resume. Please? Don't leave me alone in this jungle. He's out there somewhere. And human skeletons are ok, right? As long as they're properly cleaned and so on...

    Or you could adopt my friend H's strategy (she married a man off the interwebz so it was successful) and only go for coffee first dates - so if it's dreadful, you can skip away with only 20 wasted minutes rather than feeling like you've lost ten years off your life.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know MANY people who met their 'special friends' through the internets, and through internet dating too. They are attractive, do not smell of wee, have jobs that their grandmothers don't understand. One of them (who met his current laydeee 6 years go) always used to say "you only have to get it right once", and he is right. Persevere!! And if not, you may meet your hoos-band through your blog about internet dating, which is where I met mine. FACT.

    ReplyDelete
  3. First of all... holy Christ on the banjo. My two fave bloggers commenting on ProngTwo. Yes, YES.

    Second, posing with a machine gun and you still went on a date? Nice. I'm impressed that you're getting out there, Jaywalker. I've been doing close-to-home drink dates lately, but you're right: coffee dates are much quicker and easier to bail on. I'll give that a go.

    Third, thanks for the encouragement Non-Workingmonkey. I am very much in the market for someone who doesn't smell of wee, and I'm very glad you think there may still be some single guys out there who don't.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Actually, I thought it was worse that he was suing the university than that he was keeping human skeletons in his house. I mean...everyone has a few skeletons in their closet right? But over-litigiousness? That's creepy. Well done, you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. You aren't wrong about that, Joanna. Being a forensic anthropologist seems pretty cool. Bitter comments about lawsuits by tenured professors who tack "what're they gonna do, it's not like they can fire me" onto the end of several lengthy tirades is less cool. Though still... Human skeletons. Yikes.

    ReplyDelete